Primary Primer

by Gavin Keenan…

Well, the results of the South Carolina Democratic Primary are in…yawn…… and it appears that Hillary’s firewall held fast against The Bern of Democratic Socialism. Those good folks in the Palmetto State just don’t give two hoots about a free college education I guess, and with Donald Trump gobbling up all fifty Republican delegates the week before, it is no longer a mystery to me why the Domesticated Turkey is South Carolina’s official state bird.

But this was all minor news compared to the Republican Debate in the Lone Star State. A certifiable free-for-all where Wolf Blitzer was battered into a stammering, ineffectual referee by the howling on stage of Mr. Trump and his two leading adversaries. Needless to say, the two anti-immigration, Cuban-American Republican Senators tore into Mr. Trump with a zeal reminiscent of a W.W.F. tag team event of yesteryear. Reportedly, “The Donald” was so flummoxed by the assault that he lost control of himself backstage and tweeted to his loyal following that Senator Rubio was up past his bedtime. This, to no avail I’m afraid as the savagery continued with a ferocity that motivated even Dr. Carson to plead for some attention from someone, anyone, to attack him or at least throw a pie in his face.

Mr. Trump, ever resourceful, (especially when backed into a corner or a Federal Courthouse) on Friday decided to unveil his secret weapon for victory. As you may have heard, that Jersey Pit-Bull, Governor Chris Christie, threw his considerable weight behind Mr. Trump and endorsed his candidacy for POTUS. The Governor ponied up with the promise of slaying Trump’s adversaries in true Garden State fashion. They will be trumpled beneath the hooves of the new GOP Pachyderm. If you can picture Big Chris gnawing at Senator Rubio’s ankle while having a pee on Senator TrusTed Cruz’ wing tips, you get the idea. It’s enough to give you the collywobbles and makes me wish for the good old days of Monicagate, Zippergate and Watergate.

One last note on “The Donald.” The master of Twittering his way into the Oval Office today (Sunday) reportedly has been tweeting Mussolini quotes to his millions of followers in Twitter-land. He would do well to remember that Muzzy crapped out and wound up dangling upside-down at the end of World War Two, which would seemingly disqualify him as one of “The really smart people,” that Trump likes to surround himself with. All of this gives me reason to believe that when the autopsy is finally performed on the body politic, a direct correlation will be drawn between the voters puzzling preferences in this election cycle and the number of adults who now spend hours drawing in Mandela coloring books. There can be no other plausible explanation, or can there?

I asked my older brother, a veteran of thirty plus years working at MASS-PORT, (which qualifies him with a Post-Doc degree in political intrigue) to offer his insight into this puzzling enigma. A meat-eating Red State, Barry Goldwater Conservative trapped in a Blue State Vegan world, he nonetheless offered two plausible theories that could be in play here.

First, The Chris Christie factor. We may believe that the Governor is just another publicity-seeking, opportunistic light weight. But he may be much smarter that we give him credit for. Mr. Christie may be seeking to be the V.P. in a Trump administration. Knowing “The Donald,” from their close association with the now-defunct Trump Towers of Atlantic City, Mr. Christie could be counting on President Trump to either grow weary of the burdens of public office and quit, or in the alternative, be convicted of tax evasion and be sent to Federal Prison. Score one for Chris.

Second, the Hillary question. Could it be that Mr. Trump is serving as an agent provocateur of Secretary Clinton with his seemingly unstoppable juggernaut over the GOP hierarchy? Will his election run assure victory to Hillary and leave the Republicans in ruin, unelectable and reduced to the status of the Whig Party of 1852? Rest assured that stranger things have happened. She is crafty after all, but of course, Hillary has no small baggage of her own to carry. Those pesky top-secret emails left on her Facebook page received a lot of likes from Iran, Russia, China and North Korea. Could an appearance in Federal Court be in her future? Could she and “The Donald,” wind up in the same gated community? Stay tuned.

Finally, many of you are loosing too much sleep worrying over who to vote for on Super Tuesday. Impish as always, I bet you are considering what ballot to pull for greatest strategic impact. Should a loyal Democratic supporter of either Hillary or Bernie vote on a Republican ballot and check off Trump for maximum destructive impact? Can a dyed in the wool conservative stomach marking a blue ballot for Bernie Sanders in order to flip Hillary the bird? Will it matter?

Perhaps not. For I believe that there truly is a master mind behind all of this. I believe that there exists in America today a politician of such cunning and sagacity to leave us all agape and agaw by his mastery of the political process he has demonstrated thus far. Who is this person? Scroll down………..













Joe Biden

See you on Tuesday







Categories: Commentary

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2 replies »

  1. That was an incredibly enjoyable piece, and has cheered me up. As a Bernie fan in the UK, I’m slightly aghast at how the opportunity to have such a genuinely good person as President could slip out of reach.
    The quaint but inefficient caucus system appears to have worked against true democratic principles, as demonstrated in Iowa.
    Anyway, more please!
    Andrew Reilly, Kent, England

    • Andrew,
      Thanks for your kind words. I am glad that you enjoyed the piece and that the current American political system provides such entertainment to the world at large. I read a recent news article featuring Mr. Sanders brother who lives an Ex-Pat existence in the U.K. He shares your opinion on “Bernard” as he fondly refers to him, but has no apparent interest in returning to the states for all of the muddle. I’ve often wondered if the U.S. democracy has “matured” to the point that we would be better served by a parliamentary form of government. Looking at what is happening today in the Republic of Ireland gives me pause, though.
      Gavin Keenan

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